Hope will be my North Star
The Rising Phoenix Con’t….
We officially spent nearly a month living in my boss’s basement. It gave me some time to re-center, time to grieve, and a friendship to lift me up when it was most needed. I cried – a lot… I truly felt I had been with the one that I was supposed to spend forever with. It turns out, you never really know what roads this life will take you down. That was where I found myself.
As it was in the beginning
If you have read my stories thus far, you will know there is absolutely NOTHING on this journey called life that was on my radar.I have felt like I am just letting life throw me around in a blender and spit me out in various different places. (Like in Back to the Future, but it was my day-to-day life). I would then begin putting out the little fires as life handed them to me. I am now 53 years old, and I have been on some crazy journeys, devastating journeys, and journeys that taught me lessons.
I have never one-time learned anything the easy way. I chose not to listen to peers who warned about certain situations or gave me advice to choose differently.
Well, here I go again. The motto of my future life–Hope will be my North Star.
The 2nd half
I am now trying to take those lessons, the memories, and all of the experiences and turn them into something special. I have dragged along this book of regrets, mistakes etc. for way too many years. This spring/summer has given me time to reflect on who I really want to be when I “grow up”; it has given me the clarity and gratitude that will be my priceless companion for the rest of my days on this earth.
I have been so incredibly fortunate to get to travel our beautiful world and share those stories (although I still have places on my bucket list- probably always will. I have seen and experienced things I never thought possible. I have four amazing boys that I love with my entire heart. I have felt what real love feels like – for that I am so thankful, and now I also know what the hurt of losing that feels like.
All of this has given me wisdom to share, compassion for those who are in the thick of it, and a desire to help people find their own passions, too. God put me on this planet for a purpose, first and foremost, was to be a mother. I think it is the most important job on the planet, and I am thankful to be blessed to get to do the job four times over. And 2nd, to help as many people as I can realize their true potential and find their ultimate purpose.
The Now
Many have asked and want to know the whole ugly story… it is not worth telling….. When I left, I did not recognize myself anymore. Those closest to me had told me for a very long time how worried they were about me. I need to choose to move forward with the situation at hand and put the past behind me. There is no need to do a he said/she-said kinda thing, and those that need to know, know, and those that don’t ….. We both have a story, or a version, or whatever. There was a time that I thought I should write a damned book (I actually have it started and am on page 40), but after moving this far ahead in my journey, I think writing the book would just make me relive the negative over and over, and it’s not worth losing any more time. I am moving forward stronger, better, and happier than ever.
The most important lessons I have learned are these:
- Trust your gut-listen to it, it steers you where you need to go. I tried to defy her for a very long time; here I am, she was right all along.
- Trust that there ARE brighter days ahead- Believe it with your whole heart. Put one foot in front of the other and make your next best right decision.
- Trust your tribe-love them hard. You don’t need a huge tribe, you need a good tribe. Choose them wisely.
- Be your own best friend– your greatest love should be the one you give yourself. We come in alone and go out alone. I witness this nearly every day now. Do I want, on that last day, to be surrounded by those that I have had a positive impact on-you bet I do. I want to know that I gave all the love that I have and have no regrets.
By using these 4 simple things and living one day at a time, I have gotten so much stronger than I thought I could be and so much better.
The Good Stuff
I am creating a little life here. I am blessed enough to watch my boys all grow and do amazing things. I’m lucky enough that they include me in their wins and trust me with their struggles.
I have a home that I am making my own; it’s peaceful, and there are no daily tears shed. My anxiety level has gone down to near zero.
I am doing things on my terms and on my time. I have a job that I believe may have been put on the planet for me….I get to make people smile every single day; who wouldn’t want that to be their life?
I apologize if this all sounds a bit too good to be true. The struggle has been real, and it’s been hard. Perhaps the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but I want to leave you with hope. Hope is the greatest thing you can have in your life; it is always there if you want to reach for it. If I can turn my life around and start all over in 4 short months, then so can you, my darlings
Stay Tuned, There is Much More to Come….
Until then, Peace-
Mel
