The Legend:

The phoenix is a mythical, immortal bird known for its cyclical rebirth, rising from the ashes of its predecessor after a fiery death. Originating in Greek mythology, it’s a symbol of renewal, resurrection, and eternal life. Many cultures have analogs to the phoenix, including the Egyptian Bennu bird. 

Or, if you are just a normal human finding yourself in a seemingly rock-bottom place- I got you! 

I have just come through the fire, and I think I have risen from the virtual ashes of my destroyed world. I know that sounds overly dramatic, but believe you me, it was every bit as motion-picturesque as it sounds. 

The first days-

I was lost, exhausted, and devastated. These are a few of the adjectives that described my state of mind. I found myself homeless. I still had two boys at home, and one of them was about to graduate in- just under two month. I thought I had the rest of my life figured out-AGAIN. Well, that’s what I get for thinking. I was very, very wrong. 

The first steps

These were very rocky days for my little family. I was officially living on my boss’s couch.(Side note- I’m 53 freaking years old and should not be finding myself in this particular situation)  She had graciously given my boys their own bedroom, and I was reeling. On the one hand, we were safe, I no longer was living in the constant fight or flight mode I’d been living in for a decade, BUT I sat in those moments wondering what in the he** should my next steps be? I had failed, AGAIN. Where were we going to live? How are we going to live? How could I possibly get through all of the things I was about to face head-on? Just thinking of all of the hurdles I had coming at me made me want to curl up and quit. 

I felt like I was leaving with no regrets. I tried to love someone the very best way I knew how, and I learned another very difficult lesson. Sometimes it just isn’t meant to be. Sometimes we just aren’t enough. Maybe just maybe no one would be “enough”

I have spent the past 2 years in therapy, and I learned so much about myself; it’s a little scary. There are weaknesses there that I never knew I had. I am and probably always will be a people-pleaser, only now I have learned the hard way that if you do not fill your own cup, you will not be able to continue filling others.

“I think I can”

I am going to refer to the middle time with these words. I have been so emotional (anybody that knows me knows). There has been the confusion state -” what in the actual fu** did I do to end up here?”, the complete mess state – I cannot believe I didn’t dehydrate myself with all of the tears and then came the radical acceptance state- this has happened and there is nothing I can do to change this course I’m on. I need to choose how exactly I am going to do that. Slowly, I picked myself up. I have learned to listen to that little voice inside of you, she is telling the G**damned truth, and it will behoove you to give her a listen. I have learned that 1 day at a time is how I need to move forward, but that moving forward was the only choice.  

I realized ….

1. I have a habit of making the wrong choices.
2. I was the only one of us who was shedding any tears at all. 
3. I had become just another someone who wouldn’t ever be enough.
4. I am not chasing the big show; I want a peaceful, little life with all of the ones around me that I love.

Slowly, day after day, I found gratitude. I found little things to be thankful for in every single day, and by doing this, I found myself again.

Over the past few months, I have become very, very familiar with the terms

Trauma-bond

A trauma bond is an emotional attachment that forms in an abusive relationship, specifically the connection the victim feels toward the perpetrator.

A trauma bond is characterized by cycles of negative reinforcement interspersed with occasional bursts of positive reinforcement; this so-called intermittent reinforcement makes it very difficult to leave an abusive relationship. But with support, healing is always possible.

Narcissism–

Superficiality: Relationships tend to be transactional and exploitative rather than deep or intimate. 

Manipulation and Control: Narcissistic individuals often use tactics like gaslighting, devaluation, and blame-shifting to control others. 

Emotional Unavailability: They lack the capacity for sustained emotional connection and readily disregard the feelings and needs of those around them. 

Co-dependency

In unhealthy codependent relationships, the “giver” tends to be overly responsible, making excuses for the “taker” and taking over their obligations. Givers are self-critical and often perfectionistic; fixing or rescuing others makes them feel needed. They focus so much on pleasing others that they neglect their own wants and needs. Givers generally have low self-esteem, find it hard to set boundaries and be assertive, and struggle with asking for help when they need it. Takers are often struggling with serious issues, such as emotional immaturity, mental health problems, and addiction.

All of these terms that were not in my vocabulary just over a decade ago and now they are used nearly every day. I want to say that I am strong, I want to say that I have gotten past the hardest parts, and yet I found myself literally crying at a Farmers’ Market yesterday when I saw a basket of fresh raspberries.

For now, I am content to say I am a work in progress, and I think that I move forward every single day, becoming the “me” I was meant to be.

If you or someone you know is struggling and needs an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on, please reach out to me. No one should struggle alone, and I’m here to tell you, there is so much happiness on the other side. Just take the next right step for you (and your children, if that is where you’re at?)

Click on each of the images above for more information!

Above all else, start by building yourself up. Know or remember your worth and take all of the little wins you can get.

My journey continues every day-3 steps forward, 1 step back. Either way, it’s progress!

Peace, Mel

I’m not sure if you are a fan of New Year’s resolutions or not. There are times that I have fully embraced the idea, thinking “all right, look out world I’m about to do this new thing (insert your thing) only to find yourself on February 1st feeling like a failure. I know I have many many times. So, is your plan to wait until next Jan 1st to try again? That’s 11 months away girlfriend. I want to live my best life now and I do not want to wait.

This year I had a similar experience. I had so many “resolutions” and thought this year is going to be the year that I accomplish so many goals. Here is a few— Learn a language, cut back on the alcohol, lose the menopause middle, eat healthy, move more–you get my point. Well, so far (at the time of writing this, it’s March 25th, nearly a full 3 months, into the “New Year”. I’ve had some wins, many setbacks and once again learned things along the way. What is the best path to living the best year of your life?

Tip #1- If you fail, do not wait to start again, every single day is a chance to celebrate a “New Year” it’s a new day. It could be the start of a week wherever that falls for you.

Tip #2– Never ever give up. Even when you face challenges or setbacks, never stop believing in yourself. There will always be people in your life who will not see your goals and understand them.

Tip #3– Be very clear about what is you want and write down a path for yourself to achieve it. Nobody else can see your vision, nobody else has been through what you’ve been through. You have beaten every single challenge you’ve had up until this point. Cheesy quote alert–If you can dream it, you can chase it!

Tip#4-You are allowed to start small. Start with one thing that you want to change about your life. You know that thing that keeps nagging at you, start with that. Do you want to start eating healthier–choose to add 1 fruit and 1 vegetable to each meal you have and build from there. If it’s to drink more water or add more steps to your day? Start with a smaller, more attainable goal and build on it. One day 6 glasses, the next 7 or one week 10,000 steps a day the next 12,000.

In his book Atomic Habits, James Clear talks about habit stacking, and ever since this theory blew my mind, I have been paying close attention to my “everyday” habits. I wake up and brush my teeth, after that, I wash my face and put on moisturizer. This became a perfect time to add a habit like journaling or yoga. When you build on habits you already have it becomes easier to incorporate them into your everyday living. Soon you won’t even need to think about it and you’ll just be doing it. If the first thing you do in the morning is make a pot of coffee–take those 5/10 minutes and use them to stretch or do some squats. It may not seem like much but, getting some movement in as soon as you start your day can set you up to win that day. If you win that day, make a promise to yourself to win the next one, and so on.

I believe I can and will live the best year of my life. Below, I am attaching an ebook for you to challenge yourself to make this year, whether you are starting this on Jan 1st or April 1st, the best year of your life. Click on the image below to grab your copy.

Well, give me a question, and a rabbit hole I will find . Have you ever heard of the Enneagram personality test? I’ve probably been living under some sort of boulder, but I finally came out, and it is sort of mind-blowing. It answers a ton of questions for me and was really interesting to read and try to understand why some of my relationships are more difficult than others.  What is your personality type? Why does it matter?

Have you taken one of these tests? How accurate did your results seem to you?  

I got lost for a couple of days reading how each personality type interacts with the other. Why is it that some people you meet you just seem to gel with, while others seem to have the opposite effect? It all seems kind of “woo-woo” but it is interesting nonetheless. 

I am going to share my results and I hope that you will share your thoughts with me.. 

Type 9- The Peacemaker

Type 9’s on the Enneagram are often referred to as- The Peacemakers due to their desire for harmony, unity, and inner peace. They are characterized by their easygoing nature, adaptability, and ability to see multiple perspectives. Type 9s seek to avoid conflict and maintain a sense of tranquility both within themselves and in their relationships with others. Their core motivation is to create a sense of wholeness and connection, often by merging with others’ desires and preferences. Driven by a fundamental belief that all viewpoints are valid and deserving of respect, Type 9s excel at fostering cooperation and understanding.

They are typically empathetic listeners, able to empathize with a wide range of experiences and emotions. However, their tendency to prioritize others’ needs over their own can sometimes lead to neglecting their desires and goals, resulting in internal disconnection or inertia. The whole report is 19 pages long and I am sure that is not what you want to do with your time. If there are other Type 9s out there…I feel ya! If you want to find out what your type is you can head over to Blossom Up and follow me down this rabbit hole. 

If you are a type 9 like me and find yourself being taken advantage of, walked on or treated poorly just because someone can; pick yourself up, dust yourself off and realize you are stronger than you think, you are braver than you give yourself credit for! And just because I can I’m going to share a little more Dr. Suess because I think he was a little “woo-woo” himself

I’m going to lead into this post by being very straight forward with all of you. Guess who has always headed straight for the fries, the burgers, the pizza and don’t even get me started on the chocolate. (Reese’s I’m looking at you).Yep- if you picked? You are correct. Nobody I know would think that I would be the person to give advice about the healthy eating train. 

I find myself at 53 years old (barely lol) and trying to understand where on earth all of this weight came from. I could always eat what I wanted and not gain a pound. Well, my good people,  that ship has sailed and stowed away on the boat is my metabolism. 

The time is now to do something about this so I buried myself in the research and I have learned a ton. Now, did the research make me like brussell sprouts? Not a chance, but it has made me a lot more mindful of the things I put in my body and how much. Read on to to see the tips and advice that I have learned and take away what, if anything can help you too.

We all know that some foods are better for you than others. We know that it’s a good idea to limit fast food, eat more vegetables, drink plenty of water, and stay active. The problem is that sometimes, these things are far easier said than done.

There are times where healthy eating feels like an enormous mountain or hurdle to overcome. You may feel uncertain about where to start, how to get going, or what to eat.  It is far easier to grab a drive-thru dinner than to think ahead and cook that healthy meal. 

The good news is that healthy eating does not have to be hard. Read on to learn what you need to transform your body and enjoy a healthier, happier lifestyle.

Learn About Nutrition

How can you embark on a journey of healthy eating if you have no idea what this actually looks like? 

Societal changes, educational limitations, and the availability of fast, convenient food means that many people have no real knowledge of nutrition.

The Internet is always at our fingertips, and it is time to use this wealth of information for good. While there is no need to become a nutritionist, it’s worth taking the time to understand the basics of a healthy diet.

Understanding things like the benefits of carbs, that all fats are not evil, and how certain foods affect your body can inspire you to change your diet. You also have the knowledge you need to move forward with confidence, and as we all know, knowledge is power.

Create A Signature Dish

You can find the recipe for this Green Papaya Salad here.

Another common deterrent from a healthy lifestyle is a lack of cooking skills. But here again, the internet is your friend. Once you understand what should be included in a balanced meal, find a delicious recipe that includes all these elements and perfect it. This will ensure that you have a healthy dish to turn to when time is short. You will also never panic at an impromptu dinner party again!

Batch Cook

Learning to batch cook is another great way to ensure that you are eating healthy, even when life is crazy. Set aside some time to cook a batch of meals that can be easily frozen. When time is short, you can enjoy a freezer meal that is healthy and nutritious. Don’t forget to double-check which items can and cannot be frozen, and always defrost your meals properly before you start eating.

For some great, healthy batch cooking ideas head on over to https://www.organizeyourselfskinny.com/easy-freezer-meals/

Shop Smarter

When you shop, always go with a list, and plan your meals in advance. This will help ensure that you only buy what you need. Fill your cupboards with healthy, delicious snacks rather than unhealthy options. Meal planning and meal prep can be a game changer both for your bank account and for your midsection.

It’s always good to enjoy life in moderation, and eating a bit of chocolate as a treat can be a good thing. Just make sure that it really is a treat and not an everyday occurrence.

Do It For You

Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that you need to make changes for yourself, not for anyone else. This will keep you motivated and on track and allow you to see the real benefits of a healthy diet.

Drink more Water

I cannot stress this enough: most of us are going through life extremely dehydrated. Do you know how much water you should be drinking for your height, weight, and age? I’ll bet it’s safe to say you aren’t consuming enough. Water is essential for your organs to work properly; it also helps you to feel full and perhaps not eat quite as much at each meal. I would say that this is my number one tip, if you do nothing else on this list, add more and more water to your diet.

Here are some tips to get more water in your diet every single day.

Final Thoughts

Switching to a healthier diet can take a little prep and practice, but you can rest assured that the benefits far outweigh the stresses. It is a change you will never regret making!

Although you must follow through with certain behaviors when you’re seeking to live a healthier lifestyle, many experts believe that healthy behaviors have their roots in your mind. What you think and believe will determine how well you’ll follow through and apply the overall choice of a healthy lifestyle in your daily existence.

Consider these mind strategies to increase the likelihood for a healthy lifestyle:

1. Recognize your prior life successes. Take some time to reflect on what you’ve been successful at in the past. Then, use those prior life successes to ignite your passion for living healthily.

• Maybe you’re proud of the fact you worked yourself through college.
• Perhaps you’re known as the co-worker to go to when seeking work knowledge.
• Maybe you took care of your ailing mother and nursed her back to health.
• You can use these past successes to your advantage in the present!
  

2. Consider what’s good and positive about your life right now. Perhaps you live in a beautiful apartment right where you want to be. Maybe you’re in a great relationship and you’re pretty pumped about how it’s progressing.

• When you embrace all of the good in your life, you’ll be more motivated to strive for good health.
  

3. Think about the connections between a healthy lifestyle and a happy life. For example, reflect on how great you feel physically and emotionally when you eat a good breakfast or choose to meditate or practice some yoga first thing in the morning. Also, take notice of how well you can relax and sleep when you skip that heavy snack in the evening. When you can go to bed not having that bloated “Thanksgiving meal” feeling you will sleep much better. Good sleep is essential to a healthy lifestyle.
   

• When you recognize the intimate relationship between your daily choices and your emotions, you’ll be more driven to take steps to live well. 

4. Renew your commitment to your own health each day. Determine what you really want for yourself and your future. Write it down, the things you really desire. Where you want to be in a year, 5 or even 10. Ask yourself every day if what you are choosing is helping you get closer to these goals.

• What kind of lifestyle do you desire? A life where you sit in front of the television all evening and most weekends or one where you’re active, trying new physical activities all the time, and discovering adventure? Do you want to travel the world and experience a new destination? Do you want to be able to be present and actively play with your grandchildren? Do you want to be able to hike that challenging trail or just take pictures from the bottom?
  

5. Make it a personal goal to become physically and emotionally stronger. When you have physical strength, emotional strength isn’t far behind. Please wake up and promise yourself that you are going to take this one great big beautiful life that you have and fill it full of all the incredible things that are available to you.

• Vow to strengthen your core and get it into tip-top shape, as much as the core exercise options suck in the “fun” category. When your core is strong you will feel empowered to get after the other challenges you are facing.
• Tap into your courage, find your fight again, and choose your path to a healthy lifestyle. If this is choices in diet, mindfulness or even choosing therapy to purge any childhood trauma that may be holding you back it is vital to finding your ultimate happiness.
  

6. Realize that you can eat the flavors and foods you want in moderation. Use positive, optimistic thinking regarding nutrition. Avoid taking the approach that you must deny yourself of the tastes you love.
   

• Instead, say that there’s nothing you can’t have as long as you limit the portions. And then remind yourself of all the healthy good food you can have like juicy fruits, savory vegetables, and high-protein snacks.
  

This book shows you how just the tiniest of changes can make the biggest difference. You can shop for it here!

7. Take it one day at a time. Living your life one day at a time keeps things simple. Say to yourself, “Just for today, I will eat fresh and healthy foods and I will exercise.” Recognize that although tomorrow is another day, for now, you’ll stay on the path you’ve chosen for increased vigor and vitality.
   
8. Remain emotionally connected with yourself—live life consciously. When you live life consciously, you recognize the power you hold in every decision. Pull from your energy to make positive choices from that power.

• You’ll likely experience feelings of exhilaration and excitement in your efforts!
  

9. Have faith and confidence in yourself. Connect with your self-confidence to take a clearer path toward vitality and longevity. Think about these aspects of yourself. Re-discover your fearlessness.

When you apply these strategies, you’ll experience the sweet joy that comes with demonstrating a healthy lifestyle. Go ahead – you know you can do it!

If you are looking for a way to bring more peace into your world and reduce your stress. Check out this post on the Danish lifestyle Hygge. https://www.mamawithmoxie.org/hygge-what-it-is-and-how-to-embrace-it/